I just finished reading a friend's post about honesty and her struggles she's having with being a mother. Go over and read it (ournewfanglednest). I've struggled recently with some things and debated on posting about it. When reading the post it hit me about how honesty may be important at times. It's not complaining, disregarding God's goodness or blessings, or making light of other's larger sufferings. I think it's more of being real and fragile and knowing that we are in need of God's comfort. We are in need of other's intercessions.
As most of my readers know, I miscarried 9 weeks ago. This miscarriage has been hard. In fact, harder now than it was immediately after the fact. I have several friends/acquaintances that are pregnant with similar due dates that I had. Lately, I've read and heard of several first kicks, sonograms determining sex, etc. I've almost gone to the point of "hiding" these people's status updates on facebook so I don't have to read about it. I find myself going to the internet and reading about what my baby would be doing and how he would be developing weekly.
Probably my worst struggle right now though is the fear and confusion of future pregnancies. I am afraid to get pregnant again. I've even struggled with the idea of even trying to have biological children again. What if God doesn't want me or won't allow me to have another child. Do I want to go through that again? Do we adopt now rather than later like we originally planned?
Like in Jen's blog, I'm not looking for advice-- just prayers and your understanding if you see me struggling. Thank you for listening.
