I just finished reading a friend's post about honesty and her struggles she's having with being a mother. Go over and read it (ournewfanglednest). I've struggled recently with some things and debated on posting about it. When reading the post it hit me about how honesty may be important at times. It's not complaining, disregarding God's goodness or blessings, or making light of other's larger sufferings. I think it's more of being real and fragile and knowing that we are in need of God's comfort. We are in need of other's intercessions.
As most of my readers know, I miscarried 9 weeks ago. This miscarriage has been hard. In fact, harder now than it was immediately after the fact. I have several friends/acquaintances that are pregnant with similar due dates that I had. Lately, I've read and heard of several first kicks, sonograms determining sex, etc. I've almost gone to the point of "hiding" these people's status updates on facebook so I don't have to read about it. I find myself going to the internet and reading about what my baby would be doing and how he would be developing weekly.
Probably my worst struggle right now though is the fear and confusion of future pregnancies. I am afraid to get pregnant again. I've even struggled with the idea of even trying to have biological children again. What if God doesn't want me or won't allow me to have another child. Do I want to go through that again? Do we adopt now rather than later like we originally planned?
Like in Jen's blog, I'm not looking for advice-- just prayers and your understanding if you see me struggling. Thank you for listening.
5 comments:
Hey Char. I think it's awesome that you shared this. It's not easy to put that out there, but it's very real. I'll definitely be praying for you for all of these things. Love ya!
wow! charity, i am choked up to say the least! first let me say that i debated for days on whether or not i should click "post". i am humbled. second, i want you to know that i am praying for you! i thank The Lord that he uses these blogs in such a way that we are sharpened and better servants. it's a privilege to go to Him on your behalf, and i'm thankful that i can now be more specific.
love to you!
My thoughts and prayers are with you! I have been there a couple of times.
Char,
Everyday I click on your blog and I say a prayer that it will be a new post where you are annoucing that your are pregnant. I know the waiting/worrying is hard. We have been there. I know how hard it is to hear of other's news. Right after we were told medically that it was impossible for us to have kids, a lady at school (40+ yrs old)found out she was 5mo along and didnt even know it! Those were really hard days. I also know that God is so so faithful. I love you friend and I think your honesty is beautiful!
Grandlittle, I had no idea - I apparently missed that post! You are completely in my thoughts & prayers. While I don't know exactly what you're going through, I know similar feelings - our infertility problems had me questioning whether God wanted me to even be a mother, biological or not. I ended up distancing myself from friends that got pregnant and had babies while we had been trying and trying because it hurt too much to be around them and hear their stories. Why was it so easy for them and seemed so impossible for us? God's peace be with you.....our prayers will be. Love you!
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